Fist in the Air

Setelah dua tahun lalu saya mengalami penolakan SNMPTN dan SBMPTN, saya harus menerima kalau cuma bisa belajar sastra Indonesia di Malang. Awalnya memang agak... yah sudahlah, tidak apa-apa. Kemudian saya merenungkan masa SMA saya yang luar biasa dan menggali lagi apa yang dulu saya pernah idam-idamkan, sampailah pada satu masa di mana saya ingin jadi guru. Guru gaul. Yang mengajar bahasa Indonesia kepada penutur asing.

Dan di sinilah saya. Mahasiswi semester tiga. Memulai karir : tutor bahasa Indonesia untuk program In-Country 2015/2016 *tangan mengepal di udara*

Dari semester lalu, job vacancy yang mencari tutor selalu ada. Sayangnya saat itu saya harus bersabar karena yang bisa daftar minimal semester 3, sedangkan saya.... hanya dari segi usia ada di semester 4-5 :') Jadi ketika di semester 3 ada lowongan menjadi tutor untuk mahasiswa Thailand ini, saya langsung daftar. Yang daftar banyak, tidak hanya dari sastra saja yang mendaftar, tapi semua fakultas. Saya pesimis. Tapi ternyata saya lolos. Dari 160 mahasiswa yang mendaftar, hanya 40 mahasiswa yang diterima, 4 di antaranya anak semester 3. 

Ketika saya membaca nama saya yang muncul di daftar nama calon tutor dengan tambahan keterangan 'DITERIMA', rasanya seperti adegan film The Breakfast Club ketika Judd Nelson mengepalkan tangannya di udara. Kembali mengingat masa-masa dua tahun lalu di kelas bimbel jam 10 pagi, bersusah payah mengerjakan soal-soal ekonomi dan matematika, membesarkan hati dengan berkata 'Sabar, Tuhan sedang mengaspal jalanmu'. Yah, rasanya inilah salah satu ujung jalan yang dua tahun lalu diaspalkan Tuhan untuk saya. 

Jalan yang diaspal ini masih sangat panjang, masih harus dijalani agar ujung yang satunya bisa dicapai. Mungkin suatu saat akan ada batu yang membuat saya tersandung lagi, akan ada jalan yang tiba-tiba krowak lagi, mungkin saya harus sedikit berbelok dan mengulang lagi, bagaimanapun juga saya bersyukur. Saya bersyukur, atas apa yang sudah ada di tangan saya saat ini. Saya bersyukur karena saya tidak menyerah. 

Suatu saat nanti, ketika jalan saya rusak lagi, saya harap saya mau dan bisa berdiri lagi seperti sekarang ini. Saya harap saat itu saya cukup dewasa untuk bilang 'mai pen lai', tidak apa-apa. 

Semua Ini Salah Palang

Akhir-akhir ini banyak berita di TV yang menarik. Mulai dari sidang yang awalnya terbuka terus tertutup. Ketebak sekali. Lalu ada satu berita ini yang agak menggelitik dan saya dengan berat hati memberikan ini :

facepalm

                                       
Beritanya adalah kecelakaan metro mini yang ditabrak KA gara-gara metro mini main nyelonong aja pas palang pintu perlintasan udah tertutup. Bukan beritanya yang saya beri facepalm, tapi sebuah stasiun TV yang menayangkan berita semaca live report dari tempat kejadian. Reporter dari acara berita itu bilang sesuatu yang intinya "Anda dapat melihat pintu palang ini hanya menutup tiga perempat bagian saja dari lebar jalan seluruhnya, jadi si bus ini bisa nyelonong". Ah. Seriusan? Sekarang palang tiga perempat itu yang salah? Gara-gara palang itu si bus akhirnya bisa main nyelonong ketika sebuah kereta sedang melintas? Oh come on...

Kejadian gini sering banget terjadi dan entah kenapa banyak dari kita selalu menyalahkan pemerintah karena nggak memberi pintu-pintu perlintasan KA dengan palang yang sesuai. Atau malah nggak dikasih palang sama sekali. Hal ini seharusnya bisa dihindari dan kita nggak perlu menyalahkan palang pintu, pemerintah, atau siapa-siapa. Udah jelas-jelas palangnya tertutup, ada bunyi sirine, tandanya ada kereta yang mau lewat. Tandanya kita yang ngantri di belakang pintu palang nggak boleh lewat. Mau palangnya tiga perempat, separo, segede monas, pokoknya kalo udah nutup tandanya sama : nggak boleh lewat. Kalo masih nyelonong aja ya.. jangan nyalahin palangnya.

Kesadaran kita akan keselamatan sebenernya yang harus disalahkan. Kita masih sering nggak disiplin, terutama ketika berkendara deket-deket perlintasan rel kereta. Di Malang sebenernya sering juga saya lihat beberapa orang nyelonong aja pas palang pintu perlintasan KA udah nutup. Saya kadang berpikir apa mereka nggak takut ya kena magnet rel, mesin motornya berhenti tiba-tiba dan mereka nggak bisa kabur dari atas situ? Dan skenario terburuknya emang ketabrak kereta. Apa mereka nggak punya keluarga di rumah yang nungguin mereka, kerjaan yang harus diselesaikan, temen-temen yang pengen ngajak jalan bareng, pacar yang sayang sama mereka.. *ups*.

Kita nggak bisa terus-terusan nyalahin pemerintah karena nggak bisa memberikan pelayanan yang lebih baik. Dalam hal ini menyalahkan pemerintah karena nggak bisa memberikan palang yang lebih baik. Keselamatan dan kenyamanan kita dan banyak orang lain di perjalanan itu sebenernya juga kewajiban diri kita sendiri. Kan kita bisa mematuhi aturan-aturan seperti pakai helm, menaati lampu lalu lintas, nggak nyelonong palang pintu rel KA pas udah tertutup. Daripada kita menyalahkan pemerintah karena nggak bisa ngasih palang pintu yang lebih baik, mending kita perbaiki kedisiplinan berkendara.

Tapi ya sudahlah.. Kasusnya sudah ditutup karena supir dan keneknya turut menjadi korban dalam tragedi ini. Tidak perlu menyalahkan siapa-siapa. Semoga para korban mendapat tempat terbaik di sisi-Nya, keluarga yang ditinggalkan terus diberi ketabahan. Semoga kita sebagai pengguna jalan bisa belajar dari kejadian ini agar lebih hati-hati, terutama ketika kita membawa orang lain dalam tumpangan kita. Amin.

I Don't Want You To Know Me

Dua minggu terakhir ini entah bagaimana pikiran saya lari ke mana-mana, mulai dari tugas lalu lari ke buku-buku lalu ke pikiran-pikiran random yang gatau apa, dan pada seseorang. Suatu hari di dua minggu lalu, saya tertarik pada seseorang.

Tidak kenal. Hanya tau nama. Dan sudah, begitu saja.

Lucu sebenarnya, karena pas putus dengan mantan dulu pernah sok-sok berteguh hati akan mengesampingkan hal-hal menye macam ini. Tapi Tuhan Maha Membolak-balikkan Hati Hamba-Nya. Dia tidak hanya punya cara untuk membuat dua orang bertemu , tapi juga cara misterius untuk membuat seseorang jatuh cinta tanpa membuat yang dijatuhi merasakan hal yang sama.

Tidak ada yang saya khawatirkan tentang orang ini sih. Karena alur cerita macam ini yang berlaku untuk saya selalu sama. Ketika saya suka seseorang, dia akan melihat orang lain, suka orang lain,  melihat saya dari sisi yang tidak cantik (dan memang tidak cantik, tidak ada gunanya berpura-pura), dan kemudian jijik. Selalu begitu, mungkin sejak awal, jadi bagian akhirnya mudah ditebak. Andai kata sebuah film, film saya hanya akan meledak di tiga hari pertama pemutarannya dan sepi penonton di akhir minggu. Jadi jujur saja, tidak ada yang saya harapkan.

Saya kembali duduk di bangku penonton, menikmati rasanya memandang seseorang dari jauh seperti nonton ludruk, dan belajar bahagia. Yang ini, sampai sini saja. Jangan sampai dia tahu saya. Dia tak akan suka kalau saya suka dia.

Complain

Yak, saya siap dihina karena tidak mempersiapkan ujian dengan baik, tapi saya tidak mengira pertanyaan itu akan dikeluarkan, simply because it was totally unpredictable. Sebagai anak bahasa saya sendiri merasa malu karena LUPA sama pengertian ketiga hal itu wkwk. Sebenernya nggak lupa, cuma..... gatau kata-kata yang tepat untuk menuliskan jawaban *ngeles*. Btw mahasiswa mengeluh kan boleh kan yaaa?

Perempuan Perrrrrkasa

Awalnya, diskusi dimulai dari psikologi sastra tapi entah kenapa larinya jadi ke masalah 'perempuan' dan sedikit bawa-bawa feminisme. Kemudian sang dosen cerita (note : dosennya perempuan) bahwa sebagai perempuan kita juga harus kuat, tetapi gambaran beliau tentang perempuan perkasa itu ternyata macam jatuh dari genteng, manjat pohon, 'tomboy', atau mungkin kalo yang agak keren dikit adalah istri-istri yang kuat 'menderita' dalam rumah tangga yang berantakan atau suami yang berpoligami.

Di sini saya merasa ada sedikit perbedaan pengertian antara beliau (yang saya yakin sudah sangat expert dalam bidangnya) dengan saya (yang baru mahasiswa, ehem, semester tiga) tentang 'perempuan perkasa'. Bagi saya perempuan perkasa adalah mereka yang nggak cuma bisa melakukan apa yang laki-laki bisa, tapi juga dia perempuan yang mentally (and fine, physically) tangguh. Perempuan tangguh juga bukan hanya mereka yang sudah punya suami namun sayang suaminya selingkuh, berpoligami, atau suaminya suka main tangan.

Perempuan dalam gambaran seperti itu sudah terlalu klise. Too overrated. Entahlah, tapi saya merasa justru wanita-wanita yang begitu mencolok dengan cerita 'kasihan saya, suami saya selingkuh' itu agak sedikit tidak sedap dirasa. Ok mereka berkorban tidak hanya fisik yang dapat diobati, tapi juga berkorban perasaan yang susah diobati. Apa yang hendak mereka buktikan? 'Kuat' atau 'nature perempuan yang lembut, loyal, pemaaf, lemah di hadapan pria dan karena itu berusaha (atau malah bisa) bertahan dengan kondisi demikian, dan karena itu juga disebut juga kuat dan perkasa, tidak terkalahkan oleh pria'?

Ok, mereka juga para perempuan perkasa. Tapi harus ada sesuatu lain yang membuat dia menjadi 'perempuan sangat perkasa' yang lebih tangguh. Seperti Kartini, Dewi Sartika, Margaret Thatcher, Joan D'Arc, Florence Nightingale, Marie Curie, Queen Victoria, Eleanor Roosevelt, Anne Frank, Harriet Tubman, dan Agatha Christie, dan buanyak wanita-wanita perkasa lain, saya pikir mereka tidak hanya survive dalam masalah rumah tangga tapi mereka juga bisa melakukan sesuatu yang lebih besar dan lebih baik untuk banyak orang. Perempuan yang punya kekuatan seperti mereka itu yang menurut saya lebih berhak disebut perempuan perkasa.

Ketika sedang senggang di kelas (bosan, misalnya) saya diam-diam membuat coretan ngawur. Dan saya menulis tentang masalah ini dengan mengambil contoh.... Cinderella dan Mulan. Yea another cliche.

"Rather than Cinderella who survives her miserable life with her stepmom and sisters, I'd prefer be Mulan who fights in a battle.

Cinderella is a strong girl but Mulan describes my definition of 'iron lady'. Mulan freed China from a great danger and finally married General Shang while Cinderella defeated her stepsisters and lived happily ever after with her prince. Both get a prince in different way, but life isn't always about getting a prince anyway.

The other difference is that Mulan is a legendary woman warrior while Cinderella is only a fairy tale character."

Yah, ngomongin masalah perempuan emang nggak ada habisnya.

Jum'at lalu di kelas saya ada mbak-mbak yang (kayaknya) dari golongan Islam radikal datang 'berdakwah' di kelas pagi-pagi selagi kelas hanya berisi lima orang. Dia bicara tentang perempuan, dan yang saya tangkap malah seakan-akan dia ngejudge kalo perempuan bekerja itu dosa banget. Well okay, perempuan itu tulang rusuk bukan tulang punggung, tapi perempuan punya kesempatan mengembangkan diri dan hal itu tidak selalu bisa didapat ketika perempuan hanya menjalankan satu fungsi : ibu. Ibu di rumah, ngurus anak, ngurus suami, ngurus rumah, dan ketika suaminya 'nakal' dia cuma jadi sasaran pukulan, dia hanya bisa menahan diri karena dia perempuan. Dia tidak punya kesempatan melawan karena melawan suami itu dosa. Ya kapan majunya perempuan kalo kaya gitu?

Saya tidak menghina atau merendahkan peran ibu, no. Ibu itu penting, ibu itu sakral dan itu benar. Tapi peran ini yang kadang membuat perempuan enggan untuk mengembangkan diri dan akhirnya diremehkan juga.

Saya jadi ingat tentang picture yang kemaren dulu dibagi salah satu account di Line. Isinya tentang seorang pria yang ingin istrinya bekerja, kemudian teman si pria ini bilang 'yah, kalo wanitanya juga kerja, lumayanlah bisa mengatasi masalah finansial, nambah-nambah penghasilan', tapi kemudian si pria bilang 'no, saya tidak menganjurkan istri saya bekerja karena uang, tapi dia berhak atas pengalaman, pengetahuan, dan kesempatan untuk mengembangkan dirinya di jaman yang semakin modern ini. Kalo dia dapat uang dari kerja, itu uang dia, bukan hak saya. Saya yang tetap tanggung jawab atas nafkah dalam keluarga, bukan dia yang tanggung jawab'.

Don't you just love this kind of guy?! Jaman sekarang jarang ada cowok mau sama cewek pinter, maunya cewek cantik, jago masak, jago nyenenging cowoknya. Cewek yang kelewat pinter biasanya nggak bisa dipamerin ke temen, nggak enak dilihat, dan cupu deh. Biasanya malah ada cowok yang gamau pacaran sama cewek pinter gara-gara ntar kalah pinter, kalah wibawa. Duuuuuh.

Ok, balik lagi. Jadi saya pikir perempuan harusnya nggak cuma punya peran ibu dan istri aja, dia punya peran di masyarakat sosialnya, bangsanya, dan agamanya. Ketika semua fungsinya bekerja dengan baik, that's what you called 'iron lady'. Wanita perkasa.

Ah, tapi apalah, ini cuma tulisan subjektif seorang idealis yang nyerempet feminis. Selamat menikmati.

Bicara Bodoh

Seharusnya sore ini juga mencicil tugas yang menumpuk, tapi nggak tau kenapa saya lebih tertarik menulis (atau lebih tepatnya mengeluhkan) tentang kalimat ini :

"Aku itu bodoh, ga bisa apa-apa, aku ngeprint sama fotokopi aja."

Duh, apa sih. Saya nggak ngerti sama orang yang kayak gini. Kalo ngeluh gitu, buka usaha fotokopian aja, nggak usah kuliah. Kalo cuma fotokopi dan ngeprint, anak SD jaman sekarang juga bisa. Nonton talkshow bisa kok ngerjakan tugas kelompok aja minta tugas yang paling ringan.

Saya punya prioritas kak. Orang tua saya sudah bayar UKT yang tidak sedikit supaya saya bisa kuliah satu semester saja, saya setidaknya harus menunjukkan hasil terbaik yang bisa saya beri untuk bisa sedikit meringankan beban orang tua. Ingatlah, dulu kita juga mengeluh tentang UKT yang mahal itu. Tapi ya sudahlah, saya yakin orang lain punya prioritas yang berbeda-beda.

Ya emang tugas kelompok itu gampang banget. Satu anak yang nyari buku, satu anak yang baca, satu anak yang ngetik, satu anak yang ngeprint dan fotokopi. Tapi semuanya mikir. Bukan satu anak aja yang mikir. Belum juga pegang buku, belum browsing di internet, udah minta ngeprint sama fotokopi duluan. Andaikata pemain cadangan sepak bola, sebelum masuk lapangan udah minta pulang duluan.

Enak, kan tugas kelompok?  Yang ngerjakan satu dua orang tapi yang dapet A tujuh orang.

Perkara alasan 'aku kan ga bisa apa-apa' itu juga apa sih. Saya ga paham. Saya juga sering bilang saya bodoh atau nggak bisa apa-apa, karena itu saya tahu saya harus bertanya, berpikir, dan berdiskusi, atau mencari, membaca, dan mencoba. Gunakan semua kata kerja yang bisa digunakan biar kita nggak tenggelam dalam kebodohan.

Nggak ada yang namanya orang bodoh atau orang pinter. Semua orang itu bodoh dan pinter, skala keduanya dalam diri seseorang aja yang beda. Orang bodoh yang pinter itu nggak mau nyerah dengan ketidaktahuannya. Orang pinter yang bodoh itu berhenti berusaha karena kepintarannya. Pramoedya juga pernah bilang :

“Kesalahan orang-orang pandai ialah menganggap yang lain bodoh, dan kesalahan orang-orang bodoh ialah menganggap orang-orang lain pandai”

Itu lho kenapa orang harus terus berpikir dan harus terus cari tau. Yah kalo udah ngerasa bodoh, terus nggak mau berusaha cari tau itu namanya males.

Jadi sebenernya orang yang bilang "Aku itu bodoh, ga bisa apa-apa, aku ngeprint sama fotokopi aja" itu (pura-pura) bodoh apa males? Ah gatau ding, mungkin itu cuma pikiran buruk saya. Setidaknya hal kayak gini jadi pelajaran buat saya pribadi, misal pas kerja kelompok, I should or would make myself useful. Kalo ngerjakan terus ternyata salah, ya kan bisa jadi pelajaran dan pengetahuan buat diri sendiri. Tidak ada pengetahuan yang sia-sia. Jangan jadikan 'bodoh' sebagai alasan kita nggak berpikir dan berusaha mencari tau. Alias malas.

Cogito, ergo Sum. Ich denke, also bin ich. Je pense, donc je suis. I think, therefore I am.  
Aku berpikir maka aku ada.

Pu-i-si

Menulis Puisi itu bisa gampang bisa susah, bos. Tanya Chairil Anwar! Anyway, di semester ini diajarin menulis puisi pake metode seru. Nulis puisi pake inisial. Kalo ga ngerti maksudnya, inget-inget deh dulu pas SMP pernah bikin surat cinta model beginian. Minimal pernah bikin biodata macem gini di binder temen. Kalo beneran ga ngerti, masa mudamu tidak berapi-api.

Berhubung puisi pertama nulis pake inisial nama panggilan, 10 menit selesai. Puisi kedua pake nama panggilan-yang-lebih-lengkap, sehari ga selesai. Pas (akhirnya) selesai, puisinya ga masuk akal, jadi mulai dari awal lagi tapi garapnya dari bawah :

M………
E……
I…..
D….
I….
N….
A….
Rupanya anak kucing.

Entah puisi macam apa yang berakhir dengan ‘Rupanya anak kucing’. Diam-diam saya bikin biodata.

Metode kedua pake lagu. Alias ‘metode ngebaperin mahasiswa’. Karena garap puisi in-a-rush, ngeshuffle lagu di HP, dapetnya Angin Pujaan Hujan - Payung Teduh. Beneran baper.

Lagu kedua pengen pake Fuer Elise-nya Beethoven. Ga dilanjutin karena ga ada liriknya. Dan baper.

Lagu ketiga berharap ga baper, jadi pake lagu Haus am See - Peter Fox. Lagunya nggak bikin baper, saya optimis. Mulai nge-list kata-kata terus disusun.

Und am Ende der Strasse steht ein Haus am See.
Orangenbaumblätter liegen auf dem Weg.
Ich hab 20 Kinder; meine Frau ist schön.
Alle kommen vorbei, ich brauch nie rauszugehen.

kata-kata yang di ambil :

‘Rumah di tepi danau’
‘20 anak’

Yea good! Sekarang bikin puisinya :

Ingatkah kau dulu
kita pernah duduk dan bicara
tentang masa depan :
sebuah rumah di tepi danau
dan dua puluh putra yang kau ingin punya

yaiks, baper.

Kesimpulan : Saya tidak (atau belum) punya bakat.

Eagle

Everyone has problems
No one can help, but yourself

Remember what Soe Hok Gie says :

The eagle flies alone

Grandpa

I rarely met my paternal grandparents. It was because they live in Ambon and it's quite far from Java. Yea, I'm not 100% Javanese. My father is an Ambonese, my mom is Javanese. I was born and raised in Java with Javanese customs and sooo little Ambonese customs. So, if you are one of my friends who wonder why my family speaks Indonesian and doesn't speak Javanese at home, now you know.

My paternal grandma visited us more often than grandpa did. I met my grandpa fewer than 10 times in my life, and it was always him who came to Java. I went to his residence once.

Grandpa with his 2 y.o granddaughter (me) feeding the chicken

But there are a lot of things I remember about my grandpa, tho. He was tall, he was quite skinny for me, his skin was dark, he has loud voice and always speak with thick Ambonese accent. When he smiled, you could see his white teeth shimmering. He always wrapped a white cloth around his head, I didn't know why did he do that, I never asked. When he came to Java and we didn't have that kind of cloth here, he always wrapped small white towel around his head instead.

My grandpa hated cold air. When he came here few years ago, we took him to Batu, another small city near Malang and a cold city, he couldn't do anything but sit in our car and didn't want to go out. Maybe because he spent most of his life living near beach where the air is warm.

He loved Bollywood films! When I was a kid, I used to sit near him and we watched Indian films for hours together. After that we had lunch and went straight back to the living room and watched another Bollywood film.

Grandpa was a... registered nurse? He wasn't a doctor but his job was similiar to a doctor, we called him 'mantri kesehatan' here ._. I remembered, once when we where staying at my uncle's house and my grandparents were there too, I was ill. My grandpa gave me a painkilling injection. After that, I refused to meet him for few days because I was scared.

I couldn't remember any other memories, but my parents told me some stories. Like, how he held me in his arm when I was a baby, or that one day when my grandpa and I (as a little kid) went to a drugstore, we were walking together hand in hand, we went through my father's office and he saw us from the window. Or the last time he was at our place, he told my mom not to leave him alone at home all the time no matter how busy she was.

Today, my grandfather passed away. I realized I couldn't make any more memories with my grandfather. It's sad, very unfortunate, but seeing him being ill and weak made me and my whole family even more sad.

Dear, Tete, you said you want to see all your grandchildren at your house, but yea, God knows you better see Him first.. Sleep well, Tete, we will see you soon..

Tumblr.

You see I have a tumblr account. Okay, if you don't know, you can check 'My other side' section on the right part of this blog and click 'A girl' link.

Yea that's my tumblr.

And you may notice that I rarely update my tumblr. By 'rarely' I mean.. like.. once a year. I have reasons for this :

1. It needs aaaaaa veeery long time to load. I hate things that work that way.
2. I just prefer blogger than tumblr. Don't ask me about Wordpress *never use it*
3. Is this the time for you to ask me 'why don't you just delete your tumblr account then'? I don't know, but the answer is no.

Maybe there are too many creative people on tumblr and I feel like I don't belong there. But the very right reason for me is the #1. I will try to update it tho, maybe once in a month this time :p

Death of Annelies Mellema

'Just few hours after we recieved this last letter, a telegram arrived.

MY DEEPEST AND SAD CONDOLENCES ON THE PASSING AWAY OF MADAME ANNELIES. PANJI DARMAN.

And so the tension of all this time, which had utterly destroyed our nerves, reached the moment of explosion.'

Pramoedya Ananta Toer, Child of All Nations.

Translated by Max Lane 

Poor Annelies. In Netherlands, the land of her own ancestors, away from her beloved ones, the pretty princess died. I feel like giving her a hug and tell her not to die, but I'm nobody. All I can do is sitting here, trying not to sob, and keep reading... I'm sorry, Annelies.

The Cure for Influenza

I'm having flu right now. It sucks.

My uncle told me once, flu has no other cure than a good rest and healthy food.







And maybe someone's hug?
*cuddles a pillow*

Dear Jn,

I think I have to make this right. I know you hate it if I use your real name in here, my personal blog. But this time, just this once. It's the end.

I'd say this with no tears.
Some people can't get over from 3 years of relationship in one day. You can. I can't.
Maybe it wasn't love at the first place, maybe it was just silly feelings. We were kids, anyway.
I was happy, because.. maybe I thought it was all real.
It turned out just like another story.
Maybe I am a bad person. I can't understand myself either. But honestly, I was just being me around you.
Maybe I was so rude that I got mad so easily.
Maybe you are right, we weren't right.
We can't be together. It was quite obvious since the day-1. I've told you, we were kids, we were naive.
I just saw the differences we should have seen at first.

Breaking-up is never easy.
It never is when you think about 'this is the one'.
I finally knew you didn't think about that to me. You never did.
I deal with it.

Now is now.
I know you already have feelings for another girl.
I never think about having a new relationship recently.
But life is about meetings.
And partings.
I don't know if I finally meet someone again and fall in love again.
I just don't have any intention to.

Sad things start happening.
We were close. Soooo close. We talked about many things till dawn.
Now we don't even talk for once a day. Oh, how could people change so fast.
I've missed a lot of details from times we had been through together.
I can't recall those times anymore in a good order.
I admit I start forgetting things. I know you are happy if I can forget about 'us'.
But I don't erase anything about it.

I just don't want you to go that fast.
I just wonder, why can't we just stay and start being friends?
I just wonder, why we stop caring?
I just wonder, would you ever remember me for one second and wonder how am I doing?
I just wonder, why can't we meet somewhere someday and sit down in a coffee shop and talking about life?
But you wouldn't like it, would you?
I'm just a part of your painful past

You can hate me
I can't
You can forget me
I can't
You can leave
I can't


Let's just be happy
You are happy
I am happy
But not together
We are happy in our own way

Let's not make this into a good bye
I will be here, if you'd ever miss me
I will be here, if you'd ever want to talk
I will be here, if you'd ever need anything
We used to know each other so well.
I wish we stay that way forever. As friends. 
 

Joyeux Anniversaire!

It has been decided that Bichos anniversary is on 8th July. Yes, we DECIDED our own anniversary, since we didn't remember when exactly we met and started this friendship. 8th of July, why? Because that's the date when Spice girls' Wannabe released in 1996. We heard to that song in middle school, ca. 2008, Spice girls has no idea that their song had made us going up all day.

Today, 7 years after the days we listened to Wannabe, we are still that three best friends. That three imbeciles who stay awesome. Forever ever ever and ever. Deal with it! Anyway, let me get you these pictures

Picture #1

I think it is the oldest picture we ever had. Taken at my house before it was renovated. I think it was on 2009, third year on middle school. We were about... 14 years old. You can see we wore uniforms : white shirt, blue tie. So middle school.

At that time we made a lot of pictures. If I see it now, I feel like watching a film from a filmstrip. Our life was so simple : school-play-home. We had lunch together and talked about a lot of things. We spent most of our time at Camila's house, we were going online, downloading songs, singing together (no matter how bad our voices are), playing together anywhere, mostly on a river near Camila's house and tricking this foreign guy on facebook. But we weren't mean! I mean.. yea we made fun of him, for example we taught him the wrong language. I felt so sorry about it.. but to be honest I'd want to thank him so much. He made our old days look like gold now! Shining! And we still have a good laugh about 'eating with compulsion', 'domestos nomos', or 'you smell like goat' :') Too bad we don't keep in contact with that guy. I wonder if he's doing fine with his life :)

One day, we stole a mango. I barely can tell that story now because I am laughing quite loudly now. At that time.. yea we stole a mango. Maybe some people would steal money, expensive stuffs.. but we.. prefer mango than anything else.

Our love life seemed to be... plain. I remember I had crush on a boy whose class was next to mine, he didn't like me because I was taller than him (I bet I still am today!). Camila's boyfriend at that time.... Maybe... That guy in other class who liked comics? Or that guy we teased over the internet? ;) Celina didn't have any boyfriend. Oh but she did have a crush on one senior. And some guys had crush on her too! But neither Celina nor me had boyfriend at that time.. and at that time, being single wasn't so miserable as it feels today.

Picture #2

High school. As you see those uniforms, you maybe notice: we didn't go to the same school, how unfortunate. Because of that reason, we rarely hung out together. We only met in special occasion like.. birthday! Or holiday. Sometimes we went to our favourite place on earth : book store. Whether it's a big store or just seconhand book stores, we loved going there. We rarely contacted each other or play together at those time. Yea, high school was busy and also, Line or Whatsapp weren't as booming as nowadays, only facebook and twitter.

We had our own life at that time. We met a lot of people and started having new friends and best friends. We were having so much experiences in our own. In senior year we started to contact and meet each other so often again, knowing we actually need support from each other, especially before... university.

Our love life begun rising up. I had been dating a finnish guy since the second year of high school. A lot of boys had crush on Celina (she is pretty and smart!), maybe one or two was finally going out with her. Camila was with some guys (in different time, of course!), I can't really remember whom she was with -_-

Picture #3

University. Recent life. Many things changed, like... our perspective about something, we talk to a lot of serious things more often, we are trying to focus on our study : Celina studies in Indonesian College of Accounting, Camila and I go to the same university in Malang, she learns in DKV, I learn in PBSID. Celina goes to the furthest college so we rarely see her. Our contact is still going on though, we talk in our group chat in Whatsapp. Thanks to technology and internet.

Sometimes when Celina comes home, we spend our spare time to hang out together, maybe like... staying at one's house, reminiscing the middle school era, watching movie, gossiping (girls!), eating snacks, or going out to eat Bakso, or going out to book store. 

We rarely get into fights. Though we have a ot of arguments, but we never pushed someone away. It happened once and it felt so bad! We never did that again after that.

We maybe get older but it feels the same like 7 years ago. The same person, the same girls, the same buddies, the same imbeciles.

For me, they are more like sisters than just normal friends. I can't lie to them. I have always tried to be there for them and they too. We start making plans now for our own future, but it'll be fun if we can go on a vacation someday, it'll be fun if we can do something together maybe like publishing a book or making a film, it'll be fun if we can succeed in our study and life together, it'll be fun if we can be neighbours.. in Bali, it'll be fun if I can see them in my wedding someday, it'll be fun to hear my kids calling them 'aunties', it'll be fun to hear their kids calling me 'auntie' too, it'll be fun to see them when I'm 70 years old, it'll be fun to see them in my funeral. I wish we can do that.

Ex-boyfriend can be a stranger, most friends can go and lose contact, but best friends can't.

Stay awesome guys!

Made by Camila!

This is Tragedy and Comedy Side of My Life

Sometimes I wonder what I will be and what will I do after 20 years, and I decided to write a time capsule for myself.. when I'm exactly 40 years old. Yes. It sounds freaking pathetic... and lonely. Damn, I'm single as shieet.

That's okay, tho. I mean I don't want to see something from a side which people always say 'one side'. I'd prefer to call it 'the tragedy side' to make it more sounds dramatic. Hey, sometimes something dramatic makes everything more beautiful. Don't see or think about something only from one side, man!

Okay, so I've been spending this week crying and crying and asking myself, whhhhyyyyy whhhhyyyyy? Now I think I maybe look like Cee-Lo who sings 'I see you driving round town with a guy I knoooow and I'm like forgetttt yoooouuuu' but a bit sexier. But then I realized that... it's wasting time. I've been spending 3 years being with someone only to find out that he's stranger. He needs less then 3 months to move on and do I need forever? Noooo. He took me as I was nothing to him. I wasn't important to him at the first place, so why would I stop being awesome because of someone who made me feel so little and unimportant? I feel like 'hey.. I wasn't like this, im not like this.' And voila, I move on. I TRY.

I just thought about it again. I asked him whether I was a bad person so he dumped me or not. He came up with 'you are sensitive person who has just had a rough youth and life' to describe me. At one part I couldn't stop laughing. Well, he dumped me! He just pushed me away like what I'd been doing all those times was nothing. And now he said something like I'm a troubled kid whose life is totally ruined. I feel like... oh... well then... so... How should I react to that?

Maybe like this? Haha!

God, I wish he does read this. But I wish he doesn't hate me because of this.

I don't hate him. I don't hate his new girlfriend. They give me things to my rough youth and life. Pains in present days and good laughs about myself in the future. It's not that bad, right?

I'm listening to Charlie Chaplin's words now, Well, I'm not actually listening since he was famous at the silent movie era. Ok, so I'm reading his words. Anyway, I've always liked Chaplin. He said : To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it! I'm not a silly little girl who gets down over bullies and sad things. I get through those pains all the time and my youth and life isn't rough simply because I'm still laughing and having fun.

Yes I've been bullied

Yes my family isn't always nice

Yes I have only a little friends

Yes people don't take me seriously

Yes I can't always do anything

Yes my (ex-)boyfriend dumped me for other girl and he cheated me twice before

Yes people may think I'm good for nothing

Yes I'm pathetic

No, I'm not sad because I still have a good laugh.

This is the tragedy and comedy side of my life. And it's not rough. And I am the main character. And I'm ok.

My Kind of Characters

These are my kind of character. There are a lot of awesome, bizarre, and fanciful characters which have a lot of more interesting backgrounds, more adventures to do, in greater stories, with cool personalities, though. But I was thinking, someone has to choose to be like this kind of character, they also create great stories.

Lemony Snicket who let go of Beatrice Baudelaire. They were once engaged to be married, but Beatrice broke off the engagement and eventually married Betrand Baudelaire.

For Beatrice–

Dead women tell no tales.

Sad men write them down.

For Beatrice -
When we first met, you were pretty, and I was lonely.
Now I am pretty lonely. --> (This one is my favourite XD) 

Severus Snape, in the film, when he was asked by Dumbledore, 'Lily? After all this time', he said 'Always'.

 “But this is touching, Severus,” said Dumbledore seriously. “Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?”
“For him?” shouted Snape. “Expecto Patronum!”
From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe. She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
“After all this time?”
“Always,” said Snape.” 

Joel Barrish, when he learnt Clementine erased her memories about him, he wanted it as well but he regretted it and wanted to keep his memories about her (but too late). Buuuut, he met Clementine again, as stranger, and I guess they fall for each other again. In my case, it doesn't happen. Sucks.

Joel: [in the house on the beach] I have to go. I have to catch my ride. 

Clementine: So go! 

Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting. 

Clementine: I wish you had stayed. 

Joel: I wish I had stayed too. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do. 

Clementine: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone! 

Joel: I walked out, I walked out the door! 

Clementine: Why? 

Joel: I don't know. I felt like a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know.

Clementine: You were scared? 

Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation, I think. 

Clementine: Was it something I said? 

Joel: Yeah... you said "so go." With such disdain, you know? 

Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry. 

Joel: It's okay.
[Walking Out] 

Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time? 

Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left. 

Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
[Joel comes back. Clementine walks down the stairs towards him] 

Clementine: Bye Joel. 

Joel: I love you.

Annelies Mellema, when she knew she has to leave her loved one. She knew she could never live without him, but she let go of everything. 

“Mas, we were happy together ?"
"Of course, Ann."
"Remember only that happiness, Mas, nothing else.” 

(Untitled)

You can die of a broken heart -- it's scientific fact -- and my heart has broken since that very first day we met. First because the distance, but I took it easily. Second because I took everything too seriously. I can now feel aching deep behind my rib cage each time I think about you. I heard that's what happened on the first time people broke up with someone they really love. It's no use to tell you how much I love you now. I should use past tenses.

People say women are created from men's ribs. Under his arms to be protected, near to his heart to be loved. I thought I was yours. I'm so silly to keep believing it. I've told you, I took everything too seriously. I don't blame anyone because of it, it's all my fault.

Sometimes the only one who can mend a broken heart is the one who broke it. I won't ask you to fix me. Some other time the one who can mend a broken heart is a new 'someone'. I don't choose both. My life is still going on and it will stop when I die. I haven't died yet. I choose to keep on walking with that broken heart.

I don't remember any dreams without you. I don't remember any memories without you. I don't remember when it started. I wanted to go to see the world with you, I wanted to meet a lot of people with you, I wanted to live with you. Now I try to remove 'with you' things behind my dreams. I start a new beginning alone. I want to go to see the world. I want to meet a lot of people. I want to live. 

I want to see the real things about love and happiness.

I don't know if I want to meet someone and love someone again. I don't think I want. Love is dangerous thing. It could make you barely sleeping for two reasons :  1. It brings you to the air, 2. It throws you to the ground. I have ever felt both and I have enough. Love is healing and also hurting. I want to keep away from it.

Anyway, you will go on. My time with you is done already. You have found someone who can give you more life and happy times. If you love someone you have to keep her by your side, you have to make her feel she's really yours and show it to people, don't hide her. Honestly, I am not happy! I am not happy that you are not mine, I am not happy that you are with somebody else. But that's mean, all I can do is wishing you are happy in your own way. It's all ok for me, I'm ok to be alone. 

People who broke up sometimes stay strangers forever. I have at least the memories with you which I can't remove, and I can't loose the way I feel about you. If I'm lucky, I can keep those memories and feelings for myself until the death buries me back to the ground. If I'm not, that's also okay because you have forgotten those too.

Sadly to know, I'm your easiest hello but not your hardest good bye.

The one who is now a stranger,

Dinar.

It Is Not Like The Movie~

Selama liburan ini saya jadi tidak produktif. Padahal pas UAS sok-sokan bikin to-do list liburan gitu, sambil ngomel-ngomel 'duh... pokoknya kalo liburaaan... harus bla-bla-bla-bla.....' Sekarang pas udah punya (terlalu) banyak waktu, yang ada malah tidur, tidur, tidur, makan, tidur. Mandi cukup sehari sekali aja. Online, cek socmed, cek blog, latian prancis/jerman nggak pernah. Baca buku seminggu dua kali. Sisanya nonton serial Larva terus balik tidur lagi. Mungkin besok saya akan dipecat jadi anak.

Oh ya, ngomong-ngomong tentang buku ya, kemaren harusnya saya bikin review buku-buku yang udah selese dibaca. Sek ya, sek males. Ehehe

Oke-oke, jadi pas kemaren buka-buka lepi yang udah-bolak-bolak-diservis-tapi-masih-ada-aja-yang-bermasalah-tapi-aku-tetep-cinta-kamu-laptop *salah fokus* akhirnya malah keasikan nonton film. Jadi berasa dvd-marathon gitu lho, cuma ini nggak pake dvd ataupun dvd player. Nggak ada snack, nggak ada kopi-teh-coklat-es jeruk-soda gembira, nggak ada pyjamas party, nggak ada temen nonton, pokoknya nggak ada apa-apa. Iya, saya jomblo *yang nanya?*

Eh lupa ding, kan lagi puasaan, jadi emang snack lagi dilabelin haram selama siang hari dan halal ketika terdengar adzan maghrib.

Lanjut. Pas nonton film gitu, bukan sekali-dua kali-tiga kali-empat kali gitu terus sampe kucing mau kawin sama gajah, ada kepikiran tentang hal-hal di film yang nggak masuk akal, tapi kita iya-iyain aja. Ya ini emang kayaknya saya yang agak bego, udah tau film masih aja dibahas lagi. Tapi beneran lho, alangkah serunya jika

Pernah nonton Sucker Punch? Di situ ada Emily Browning. Kenal Emily Browning? Kalo kenal bagi nomor hapenya dong... sapa tau kita bisa jadi sohib karib. Oke, jadi ada adegan si Emily bertarung hebat. Dia ngelawan banyak musuh-musuh yang bener-bener nggak imbang. Jadi dia sampe kebanting-banting, jatuh keperosok sana-sini, tapi DIA GA LECET GITU LHO!! 0____0 Dia tetep mulus gitu aja lhooo coba kalo saya yang main kan udah masuk ambulans duluan sebelum pegang senjata T.T

Atau Hermione Granger. Pas di Harry Potter 3 (males nulis judulnya kepanjangan) pipinya dijait, tapi dia tetep mulus aja gitu lho setelah beberapa lamaaa... nggak ada bekas. Apa diilangin pake sihir ya? ._.

Ya gitu. Coba kalo hal-hal gini kejadian di dunia nyata kan meskipun udah bolak-balik saya luka-luka tapi tetap kembali mulus seperti newborn baby :'))

Broke Up

What a loss to spend that much time with someone, only to find out that she's a stranger - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

What a loss to spend that much time with someone, only to find out that he's a stranger.

Kemarin ke ITX

Iya, jadi kemaren ke ITX. Semacam acara Jepang gitu.

Saya dateng ke sana rame-rame sama temen kuliah. Berhubung saya bukan penggemat Jepang atau penggemar cosplay, jadi dateng ke sana dalam rangka menghilangkan kebosanan dan cuci mata kali aja bisa dapet pacar. Nggak dapet pacar sih, tapi emang dapet banget quality time sama diri sendiri aja. Btw lumayan lho, dapet voucher-voucher gitu, padahal pas beli tike presale-nya cuma 15k saaaajaaaa! *sanjung panitia*

Oke, jadi pas sampe sana lagi ada musik-musik gitu, musik Jepang yang jelas dan karena kuping saya bukan Japanese friendly jadi saya nggak paham mereka nyanyi apa, kayaknya kebanyakan lagu-lagu dari anime-anime gitu. Para cosplay muncul dari beberapa sudut dan mulai heboh banyak orang minta foto-foto, karena this isn't my stuff, jadi saya cuma ngeliatin aja. Terus entah ada apa, penonton pada lari ke deket panggung, dan saya memilih tetap duduk di tempat sampe sekitar 30 menit-1jam an.

Pas lagi asik gitu, keinget ada film yang diputerin di movie room IT, dan saya dapat 1 tiket movie gratis jadi saya langsung cuss ke sana. Awalnya ngajak temen-temen nonton tapi mereka lebih suka nonton cosplay gitu jadi yaudah. Ini salah satu alasan saya dateng ke IT btw, mereka emang biasanya muterin film gitu, tapi taun lalu saya nggak nonton karena tiketnya bayar T.T Sekarang mumpung dapet free pass, jadi ya budal.

Judul film yang saya tonton itu When Marnie Was There, studio Ghibli tjoy. Tapi pas selese nonton kok nggak dapet gregetnya ya? Emang ada rombongan mas-mas gitu dan mereka agak berisik nontonnya. Mending nonton sendiri gitu di rumah, mungkin lebih nendang. Sempet ada insiden mati lampu juga lagi, itu nggak seru banget. Agak mengecewakan sih, apalagi pas filmnya lagi di tengah-tengah gitu. Tapi yaudah dimaafkan saja, tak ada yang sempurna kan? Keluar dari ruangan film, mulai kelaparan. Salah satu tujuan ke IT emang cari makanan yang nggak tiap hari bisa di makan, toh?

Pilihan pertama jatuh ke... pizza mini (yang emang mini banget, habis dalam satu kali gigit) dan macaroni schotel. Dua makanan 10 ribu. Emang agak nyelentang gitu, di acara Jepang beli makanan western. Gapapa, enak banget macaroni schotelnya. Masih laper, pengen okonomiyaki tapi antrinya boooo' nggak tahan, keburu ngais-ngais tanah karena kelaperan.

Agak sorean setelah sedikit menahan diri, melewati stand makanan Asia (mostly Jepang dan Korea). Ada stand yang jual snack a la Korea gitu jadi saya liat-liat karena penasaran. Seperti toko-toko biasa, ada mas-mas pramusaji nawar-nawarin makanan, saya nawar balik sambil bilang "nggak enak uang kembali ya mas?" eh habis saya ngomong gitu langsung dikasih tester semacam dumpling gitu, wenaaak! Akhirnya karena pengen nyobain yang namanya 'Kimchi', saya beli satu paket Korean snack, 10 ribu udah dapet beberapa dumplings, kimchi, salad dan entah apa namanya pokoknya ada 5 macam snack dalam satu wadah. Saya minta pedas sama mbaknya. Pas saya makan... setan! Pedes banget! Kimchinya aaaaasiin! Tapi karena nggak tau rasa kimchi yang asli itu gimana, jadi yaudah saya nrima aja.

Babak berikutnya saya udah ngumpul bareng temen-temen lagi. Dan masih lapar. Jadi saya cuma jalan-jalan aja keliling sama nemenin temen saya yang cosplay. Jam 6 malem, beli takoyaki. Pengennya takoyaki yang isinya tuna, tapi abis, akhirnya beli yang ayam. 10 ribu aja. Tapi buseeeet gede-gede banget takoyakinya. Perut saya udah hampir jebol, kekenyangan.

Jam setengan 8 pulang dan langsung tidur. Oh, my kind of day.

Mahasiswa Bukan Mahabarata : Sebuah Catatan

Sebelum masuk ke intinya, saya mau curhat dulu. Pas buka akun blog dan lihat jumlah viewer saya bulan lalu adalah.... 150 orang, saya kaget. Ternyata ada banyak orang yang liat ya. Well, mungkin lebih pas angkanya kalo saya kurangi sekitar 30-50 viewer, karena itu kayaknya saya yang suka refresh page di laman saya sendiri ._. 100 orang ini mungkin tersesat dan setelah buka blog ini... makin tersesat.
 
Akhirnya libur telah tiba. Selama hari-hari akhir kuliah kemaren, lagu Tasya 'Libur Telah Tiba' banyak di-request. Para anak gembala ini ingin segera menyembelih hewan ternak mereka di kampung halaman rupanya. Pergilah mereka ke alam di mana mereka seharusnya berada. *anak gembala apa mahluk kasat mata? -_-* Buuuut, here I am! Menuntaskan janji saya untuk bikin review satu tahun sebagai mahabarata mahasiswa.

Ospek Nih Ciyeeeeee
Jadi segala macam perkuliahan tidak akan jadi nikmat jika tidak ada ospek. Ibaratnya kalo mau makan nasi Padang, lebih nikmat cuci tangan dulu. Karena 'ospek' itu terdengar kurang menyenangkan dan ospek yang aneh-aneh itu tidak berlaku lagi, maka di kampus saya tercinta, namanya diganti jadi PKPT. Woh itu acara seru banget!

*Berikutnya acara ini akan dipandang dari kacamata mahabarata mahasiswa*

Sebenernya acara ini banyak manfaat, basic perkuliahan kayak peraturan, sejarah kampus, motivasi kuliah dan lain-lain dibahas di sini. Cumaaaaaaaaaaan, beberapa bapak-bapak dan ibu-ibu yang ngasih materi sakti mandraguna, bisa bikin insomnia hilang. Audiensnya satu graha cakrawala, beribu-ribu anak. Pasti susah juga sih mendapat perhatian audiens. Tapi kalo didengarkan baik-baik, banyak banget pengetahuan yang didapat.

Pas PKPT gini kita kan ditaruh di gracak jadi satu, cuma dipisah berdasarkan jurusan, jadi bisa sekalian cari-cari temen baru! Lalu pas ospek fakultas, lebih wenak lagi karena emang udah nggak ada acara marah-marahan, bentak-betakan, tugas-tugas yang bawa tas karduslah, tas kreseklah, apalah. This is good actually and I'm supporting this a lot! Maksudnya, ketika ospek yang pake acara bentak-bentakan itu ditiadakan dan kami sebagai pupuk bawang kampus ini justru dirangkul bareng-bareng, diajak masuk ke lingkungan baru, kami jadi semakin PD, semakin respek gitu sama kakak tingkat dan bapak-ibu dosen.

Nah, pas PKPT gini biasanya dibagikan buku katalog-katalog sesuai dengan jurusan dan fakultas. Ini puenting banget, karena dari buku-buku itu kita bisa dapet gambaran secara umum tentang apa aja yang bakalan didapet pas kuliah, contohnya kayak mata kuliahnya apa aja di semester berapa, penjelasan secara umum mata kuliahnya, dsb.

BBS 2014
Pas semester ini saya emang ikut kepanitiaan bulan bahasa. Maklum, sebagai anak pupuk bawang yang baru gabung di kampus ini, saya harus banyak bergaul biar cepat dapat pacar. Intinya dari sini biar dapet temen sama dapet pengalaman. 

Acara ini seru banget, meskipun nggak seheboh acara festival kampus lain *jujur* tapi tetep juara! Tahun depan saya pengen gabung lagi dan berharap ditaruh di bagian acara gitu, biar lebih greget. Tapi kalo dikasih sekret lagi, saya nriman kok :"

Mata Kuliahnya Apa?
Saya lagi males nih menuliskan mata kuliah apa aja yang saya dapat di semester satu atau dua, haha! Yang pasti mata kuliah yang berhubungan dengan linguistik, sastra, dan pendidikan.

Dosennya Siapa, Gimana?
Pertanyaan yang paling sering ditanyakan ke antar kelas atau antar angkatan. But whoops, I can't tell you the names! Tapi secara keseluruhan dosen-dosennya gaul-gaul. Gaul di sini artinya keren banget, sangat profesional dan ahli di bidangnya. Ini bukan promosi, folks, tapi saya merasa otak saya ter-upgrade gitu, meskipun nggak pinter-pinter amat sih saya. Tugas-tugas yang diberikan beliau-beliau ini juga seru sih, karena kebanyakan membaca.

Cuman ya ada macam-maca tipikal dosen, sih. Kayak gini :
- Ada yang kelasnya seru banget, dosennya memberikan materi dengan guyon-guyon yang menyenangkan.
- Ada dosen membiarkan mahasiswa aktif, jadi kadang kita debat sendiri, tapi kalo udah ke mana-mana ntar dosennya meluruskan, kelas begini ini menantang. Terus biasanya di akhir presentasi, mahasiswa akan bilang "Kami kurang paham, nanti mungkin pak/bu dosen akan membantu menjelaskan" wkwkw.
- Ada dosen yang sedikit memberi tugas dan paling banyak menerangkan *paling seneng nih begini!* Dosen seperti ini tugasnya enak banget, nggak nyusahin mahasiswa :'
- Ada dosen yang kalo menjelaskan ke mana-mana, dari materi satu lalu materi dua, lalu entah ke mana. Biasanya kalo dosen seperti ini, mahasiswa cuma 'iya-iya' 'ngerta-ngerti' tapi pas ujian ga bisa XD
- Ada dosen yang menyombongkan diri gitu, mentang-mentang, dosen kayak gini ini biasanya suka membuka perkuliahan dengan 'Anak saya, rumah saya, teman saya'. Ada loh yang gitu  pas di semester 1, karena begitu jadinya sedikit sekali materi yang diberikan ke mahasiswa, dan dosen kayak gini saya kurang suka :/

Ada dosen dari semester satu yang ngajar lagi di semester 2, untungnya dosen yang ngajar dosen yang enak. Juga di semester 2 ada beberapa dosen yang masih muda. Kebanyakan dosen kayak gini suka ngasih banyak tugas, banyak tuntutan, galak, tapi kalo menerangkan enak banget, mungkin karena masih muda, ya *ini hipotesa sotoy ala mahasiswa*. Ada lagi dosen masih muda juga, kalo menerangkan enak banget. Wah, perfecto! Tapi kalo ngasih ujian susah T.T

Ada yang Bertanya?
Saya bukan tipe anak yang aktif di kelas, saya jarang menanyakan hal-hal materi kuliah, terlebih lagi kalo materinya ada di buku. Saya biasanya takut dikira bodoh dan asbun. Malu lah, udah dibuku masih aja ditanyain. Saya biasanya bertanya kalo memang saya nggak tahu atau saya punya pendapat. Tapi entah kenapa, kebanyakan teman-teman saya yang lagi presentasi menganggap 'it's the end of the world' ketika saya bertanya.

Satu hal yang saya ingat, at one point ketika saya mengacungkan tangan, si tertanya ini nge-chat di grup. Intinya dia mengingatkan agar jangan bertanya yang susah-susah, kasian mereka yang ditanyai. This was quite offensive, simply because it was me who got them in trouble that day. Saya agak merasa sedih sih, karena ultimatum ini berarti saya harus membatasi dan mengendalikan pikiran saya, agar apa yang keluar dari otak saya ini nggak menyulitkan orang lain.

Opinions, man! I have them too in my head! Saya sepenuhnya sadar bahwa opinions inilah power saya, bukan "being pretty" atau "being funny". 

Teman-teman Baru
Ketika saya tahu saya nggak jadi kuliah di Jogja, cuma kuliah di Malang, saya emang agak merasa bersedih. Secara, kalo kuliah di Malang, saya akan bertemu dengan teman-teman SMA, SMP, SD yang satu jurusan. Tapi ternyata nggak juga. Kebanyakan temen-temen kuliah saya dari luar Malang, seputar Jatim-lah.

Sebelum kuliah, masih jamannya ngebimbel dulu saya sering mendapat cerita-cerita dari teman-teman saya yang lain tentang nggak enaknya temenan sama mereka. Ternyata juga, saya nggak mendapat teman yang semacam itu. I got cool friends, dan mereka bener-bener asik diajak temenan.

Organisasi
Saya mendaftar lho jadi anak HMJ, dan lolos sebenernya setelah tes interview. Tapi saya mengundurkan diri. Alasan saya : mencoba konsisten. Jadi ceritanya saya melamar untuk posisi di pengmas dan KWU, lalu saya ditanyai : kalo nggak di dua-duanya? Ya saya jawab, saya mundur aja.  Ternyata bener, kan. Saya ditaruh di tempat yang bukan pilihan saya.

Ini alasannya. Pertama, bukan karena saya nggak suka tantangan baru, lho. It's all about 'do what you love and love what you do'. Takutnya, ketika saya diletakkan di tempat yang saya kurang suka, saya malah mengacaukannya. Kedua, tugas utama ngampus itu kuliah, tapi bapak saya bilang, 'ikutlah organisasi kalo itu bisa membawa manfaat buat kamu dan manfaat untuk masyarakat'. And I think, yea that's true, so with sad feelings.. I dropped it :"

Bukan berarti saya tidak mau keluar dari zona nyaman, saya mau keluar dari zona nyaman ketika saya tidak harus mengorbankan apa yang penting dalam hidup saya. I don't want to lose something which is worth to fighting for. Kuliah adalah salah satunya.

Being in Class
One thing I keep on my mind as a freshman is Aristotle's quote : The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Quote ini yang saya bawa masuk ke kelas. Selama setahun ini kebanyakan orang menganggap saya 'a straight-A student' padahal kalo saya ini digambarkan secara matematis jadinya gini :

ambisius + idealis + perfeksionis + kepo 

Sometimes it turns out good, sometimes not. Saya pernah merasa kecewa dan menyesal ketika hasil untuk mata kuliah Menyimak Kritis keluar, saya merasa tidak bekerja keras. Atau ketika DDM, atau MTI keluar agaknya saya sedikit bersedih juga, saya merasa saya sudah bekerja keras tapi yang muncul ya begitu saja. But I've told you, folks, saya orangnya nriman. Now I'm waiting for the 2nd semester results. Harapannya sih bagus-bagus. 

Summary

First year, 1st semester and 2nd semester, AWESOME!  Yah, emang kebanyakan tulisan ini dipandang dari view yang sangat sangta subjektif. But hey, it's just me anyway! Saya ini mahasiswa, bukan mahabarata. Tapi sama-sama lagi perang biar dapat ilmu yang bermanfaat dan nilai yang baik, nggak seheboh perang Baratayuda sih. Let me close this with this wonderful quote :

We’re too smart not to be cynical. But let’s be smart enough to be idealistic as well

- Sophia ChuaRubenfeld-

Salam, 

Meidinar.

To-Read List for Holiday... by Me.

Fellas, people, helllloooooo! Let me inform you all that this week I have four days for final exams and after that I can be free from this... dungeon. Kidding, it's just university. I know it is not important you, anyone! But I am soooo happy, I could die! :333 So what's the problem if I tell you about it? *don't answer! It's a rethorical questions*

I have few plans tho for this break. Well, it's not well arranged yet, but I do know what I wanna do, at least for the next three months. Let's hope I don't die of boredom. In other side, I have broken up with Janne :" May he rest (from this relationship) in peace. I hope you are happy now, babe.. I mean 'dude'. And I hope he will read this blog sometimes! :p

Anyway, let's focus on the purpose why I want to bother myself to write this goddamn post, while tomorrow I have a bloody exam. Why? Because I am so excited! Soooooo excited, not because tomorrow is the second day of final exam, but there are some books waiting for me to read them this holiday :p OK, it sounds good tho.. and at some point it sounds lame for avid readers out there. Hey, I'm just enjoying myself, I don't care what people would say about this.

So here are the books on my list :

1. Cinta di Dalam Gelas (Andrea Hirata)

This is an interesting book, because there are actually two books in one package. I did read the Padang Bulan, so this holiday I must finish the other side of the book.

2. The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World (Eric Weiner)

Ahah, I bought this book when I was still a high school kid. I know I must finish this book now or never. I have read it actually, but I have always stopped in the middle of the book. I think I got lost and now I have to go back from the start, for the second time.

3-4. The Buru Quartet (This Earth of Mankind - Bumi Manusia and Footsteps - Jejak Langkah, but I haven't bought the other two books of this quartet yet : Child of All Nations - Anak Semua Bangsa and House of Glass - Rumah Kaca) by Pramoedya Ananta Toer

When I bought these books, my father seemed unpleasant. Everyone knows Pramoedya! These books are serious one, I see, but I really really want to read these books. I need to up grade this brain. I read the reviews, and maaan, it looks so damn good. I haven't bought the second and the fourth book, tho. First, because those books were sold out and second... I don't have enough money :p

5.  Please Look After Mom (Kyung Shook Shin)

I was surprised when I found this book was sold for Rp20.000,00 only! I went on internet and read the review, man it's so good, it even has more than 3 stars on goodreads (not four, but 3.7) so I bought it immediately. I don't read book which is written by asian author much actually (and by asian, I mean other authors than Indonesian), this book will be my second. I have no certain reason, not because I am a racist or what. Maybe because I don't find many Asian's translated books that I'm interested into. My bad. The first asian's book I read was... Soji Shimada's Tokyo Zodiac Murder. It was a very good book! I even cried in the last part of the book. Now let's give a try to this book :)

Okaaaay! Oh, I'm too lazy to post any pictures of it :p So, this is all, people, for the book stuffs. I will try to write some reviews of the books when I finish reading it. And also my first year in university review, I won't forget. So, okay. Have a nice day, and wish me luck for the exams! :)