You see I have a tumblr account. Okay, if you don't know, you can check 'My other side' section on the right part of this blog and click 'A girl' link.
Yea that's my tumblr.
And you may notice that I rarely update my tumblr. By 'rarely' I mean.. like.. once a year. I have reasons for this :
1. It needs aaaaaa veeery long time to load. I hate things that work that way.
2. I just prefer blogger than tumblr. Don't ask me about Wordpress *never use it*
3. Is this the time for you to ask me 'why don't you just delete your tumblr account then'? I don't know, but the answer is no.
Maybe there are too many creative people on tumblr and I feel like I don't belong there. But the very right reason for me is the #1. I will try to update it tho, maybe once in a month this time :p
Jul 27, 2015
Jul 26, 2015
Death of Annelies Mellema
'Just few hours after we recieved this last letter, a telegram arrived.
And so the tension of all this time, which had utterly destroyed our nerves, reached the moment of explosion.'
MY DEEPEST AND SAD CONDOLENCES ON THE PASSING AWAY OF MADAME ANNELIES. PANJI DARMAN.
And so the tension of all this time, which had utterly destroyed our nerves, reached the moment of explosion.'
Pramoedya Ananta Toer, Child of All Nations.
Translated by Max Lane
Poor Annelies. In Netherlands, the land of her own ancestors, away from her beloved ones, the pretty princess died. I feel like giving her a hug and tell her not to die, but I'm nobody. All I can do is sitting here, trying not to sob, and keep reading... I'm sorry, Annelies.
Jul 24, 2015
The Cure for Influenza
I'm having flu right now. It sucks.
My uncle told me once, flu has no other cure than a good rest and healthy food.
And maybe someone's hug?
*cuddles a pillow*
My uncle told me once, flu has no other cure than a good rest and healthy food.
And maybe someone's hug?
*cuddles a pillow*
Jul 13, 2015
Dear Jn,
I think I have to make this right. I know you hate it if I use your real name in here, my personal blog. But this time, just this once. It's the end.
I'd say this with no tears.
Some people can't get over from 3 years of relationship in one day. You can. I can't.
Maybe it wasn't love at the first place, maybe it was just silly feelings. We were kids, anyway.
I was happy, because.. maybe I thought it was all real.
It turned out just like another story.
Maybe I am a bad person. I can't understand myself either. But honestly, I was just being me around you.
Maybe I was so rude that I got mad so easily.
Maybe you are right, we weren't right.
We can't be together. It was quite obvious since the day-1. I've told you, we were kids, we were naive.
I just saw the differences we should have seen at first.
Breaking-up is never easy.
It never is when you think about 'this is the one'.
I finally knew you didn't think about that to me. You never did.
I deal with it.
Now is now.
I know you already have feelings for another girl.
I never think about having a new relationship recently.
But life is about meetings.
And partings.
I don't know if I finally meet someone again and fall in love again.
I just don't have any intention to.
Sad things start happening.
We were close. Soooo close. We talked about many things till dawn.
Now we don't even talk for once a day. Oh, how could people change so fast.
I've missed a lot of details from times we had been through together.
I can't recall those times anymore in a good order.
I admit I start forgetting things. I know you are happy if I can forget about 'us'.
But I don't erase anything about it.
I just don't want you to go that fast.
I just wonder, why can't we just stay and start being friends?
I just wonder, why we stop caring?
I just wonder, would you ever remember me for one second and wonder how am I doing?
I just wonder, why can't we meet somewhere someday and sit down in a coffee shop and talking about life?
But you wouldn't like it, would you?
I'm just a part of your painful past
You can hate me
I can't
You can forget me
I can't
You can leave
I can't
Let's just be happy
You are happy
I am happy
But not together
We are happy in our own way
Let's not make this into a good bye
I will be here, if you'd ever miss me
I will be here, if you'd ever want to talk
I will be here, if you'd ever need anything
We used to know each other so well.
I wish we stay that way forever. As friends.
I'd say this with no tears.
Some people can't get over from 3 years of relationship in one day. You can. I can't.
Maybe it wasn't love at the first place, maybe it was just silly feelings. We were kids, anyway.
I was happy, because.. maybe I thought it was all real.
It turned out just like another story.
Maybe I am a bad person. I can't understand myself either. But honestly, I was just being me around you.
Maybe I was so rude that I got mad so easily.
Maybe you are right, we weren't right.
We can't be together. It was quite obvious since the day-1. I've told you, we were kids, we were naive.
I just saw the differences we should have seen at first.
Breaking-up is never easy.
It never is when you think about 'this is the one'.
I finally knew you didn't think about that to me. You never did.
I deal with it.
Now is now.
I know you already have feelings for another girl.
I never think about having a new relationship recently.
But life is about meetings.
And partings.
I don't know if I finally meet someone again and fall in love again.
I just don't have any intention to.
Sad things start happening.
We were close. Soooo close. We talked about many things till dawn.
Now we don't even talk for once a day. Oh, how could people change so fast.
I've missed a lot of details from times we had been through together.
I can't recall those times anymore in a good order.
I admit I start forgetting things. I know you are happy if I can forget about 'us'.
But I don't erase anything about it.
I just don't want you to go that fast.
I just wonder, why can't we just stay and start being friends?
I just wonder, why we stop caring?
I just wonder, would you ever remember me for one second and wonder how am I doing?
I just wonder, why can't we meet somewhere someday and sit down in a coffee shop and talking about life?
But you wouldn't like it, would you?
I'm just a part of your painful past
You can hate me
I can't
You can forget me
I can't
You can leave
I can't
Let's just be happy
You are happy
I am happy
But not together
We are happy in our own way
Let's not make this into a good bye
I will be here, if you'd ever miss me
I will be here, if you'd ever want to talk
I will be here, if you'd ever need anything
We used to know each other so well.
I wish we stay that way forever. As friends.
Jul 8, 2015
Joyeux Anniversaire!
It has been decided that Bichos anniversary is on 8th July. Yes, we DECIDED our own anniversary, since we didn't remember when exactly we met and started this friendship. 8th of July, why? Because that's the date when Spice girls' Wannabe released in 1996. We heard to that song in middle school, ca. 2008, Spice girls has no idea that their song had made us going up all day.
Today, 7 years after the days we listened to Wannabe, we are still that three best friends. That three imbeciles who stay awesome. Forever ever ever and ever. Deal with it! Anyway, let me get you these pictures
Picture #1
I think it is the oldest picture we ever had. Taken at my house before it was renovated. I think it was on 2009, third year on middle school. We were about... 14 years old. You can see we wore uniforms : white shirt, blue tie. So middle school.
At that time we made a lot of pictures. If I see it now, I feel like watching a film from a filmstrip. Our life was so simple : school-play-home. We had lunch together and talked about a lot of things. We spent most of our time at Camila's house, we were going online, downloading songs, singing together (no matter how bad our voices are), playing together anywhere, mostly on a river near Camila's house and tricking this foreign guy on facebook. But we weren't mean! I mean.. yea we made fun of him, for example we taught him the wrong language. I felt so sorry about it.. but to be honest I'd want to thank him so much. He made our old days look like gold now! Shining! And we still have a good laugh about 'eating with compulsion', 'domestos nomos', or 'you smell like goat' :') Too bad we don't keep in contact with that guy. I wonder if he's doing fine with his life :)
One day, we stole a mango. I barely can tell that story now because I am laughing quite loudly now. At that time.. yea we stole a mango. Maybe some people would steal money, expensive stuffs.. but we.. prefer mango than anything else.
Our love life seemed to be... plain. I remember I had crush on a boy whose class was next to mine, he didn't like me because I was taller than him (I bet I still am today!). Camila's boyfriend at that time.... Maybe... That guy in other class who liked comics? Or that guy we teased over the internet? ;) Celina didn't have any boyfriend. Oh but she did have a crush on one senior. And some guys had crush on her too! But neither Celina nor me had boyfriend at that time.. and at that time, being single wasn't so miserable as it feels today.
Picture #2
High school. As you see those uniforms, you maybe notice: we didn't go to the same school, how unfortunate. Because of that reason, we rarely hung out together. We only met in special occasion like.. birthday! Or holiday. Sometimes we went to our favourite place on earth : book store. Whether it's a big store or just seconhand book stores, we loved going there. We rarely contacted each other or play together at those time. Yea, high school was busy and also, Line or Whatsapp weren't as booming as nowadays, only facebook and twitter.
We had our own life at that time. We met a lot of people and started having new friends and best friends. We were having so much experiences in our own. In senior year we started to contact and meet each other so often again, knowing we actually need support from each other, especially before... university.
Our love life begun rising up. I had been dating a finnish guy since the second year of high school. A lot of boys had crush on Celina (she is pretty and smart!), maybe one or two was finally going out with her. Camila was with some guys (in different time, of course!), I can't really remember whom she was with -_-
Picture #3
University. Recent life. Many things changed, like... our perspective about something, we talk to a lot of serious things more often, we are trying to focus on our study : Celina studies in Indonesian College of Accounting, Camila and I go to the same university in Malang, she learns in DKV, I learn in PBSID. Celina goes to the furthest college so we rarely see her. Our contact is still going on though, we talk in our group chat in Whatsapp. Thanks to technology and internet.
Sometimes when Celina comes home, we spend our spare time to hang out together, maybe like... staying at one's house, reminiscing the middle school era, watching movie, gossiping (girls!), eating snacks, or going out to eat Bakso, or going out to book store.
We rarely get into fights. Though we have a ot of arguments, but we never pushed someone away. It happened once and it felt so bad! We never did that again after that.
We maybe get older but it feels the same like 7 years ago. The same person, the same girls, the same buddies, the same imbeciles.
For me, they are more like sisters than just normal friends. I can't lie to them. I have always tried to be there for them and they too. We start making plans now for our own future, but it'll be fun if we can go on a vacation someday, it'll be fun if we can do something together maybe like publishing a book or making a film, it'll be fun if we can succeed in our study and life together, it'll be fun if we can be neighbours.. in Bali, it'll be fun if I can see them in my wedding someday, it'll be fun to hear my kids calling them 'aunties', it'll be fun to hear their kids calling me 'auntie' too, it'll be fun to see them when I'm 70 years old, it'll be fun to see them in my funeral. I wish we can do that.
Ex-boyfriend can be a stranger, most friends can go and lose contact, but best friends can't.
Stay awesome guys!
Today, 7 years after the days we listened to Wannabe, we are still that three best friends. That three imbeciles who stay awesome. Forever ever ever and ever. Deal with it! Anyway, let me get you these pictures
Picture #1
I think it is the oldest picture we ever had. Taken at my house before it was renovated. I think it was on 2009, third year on middle school. We were about... 14 years old. You can see we wore uniforms : white shirt, blue tie. So middle school.
At that time we made a lot of pictures. If I see it now, I feel like watching a film from a filmstrip. Our life was so simple : school-play-home. We had lunch together and talked about a lot of things. We spent most of our time at Camila's house, we were going online, downloading songs, singing together (no matter how bad our voices are), playing together anywhere, mostly on a river near Camila's house and tricking this foreign guy on facebook. But we weren't mean! I mean.. yea we made fun of him, for example we taught him the wrong language. I felt so sorry about it.. but to be honest I'd want to thank him so much. He made our old days look like gold now! Shining! And we still have a good laugh about 'eating with compulsion', 'domestos nomos', or 'you smell like goat' :') Too bad we don't keep in contact with that guy. I wonder if he's doing fine with his life :)
One day, we stole a mango. I barely can tell that story now because I am laughing quite loudly now. At that time.. yea we stole a mango. Maybe some people would steal money, expensive stuffs.. but we.. prefer mango than anything else.
Our love life seemed to be... plain. I remember I had crush on a boy whose class was next to mine, he didn't like me because I was taller than him (I bet I still am today!). Camila's boyfriend at that time.... Maybe... That guy in other class who liked comics? Or that guy we teased over the internet? ;) Celina didn't have any boyfriend. Oh but she did have a crush on one senior. And some guys had crush on her too! But neither Celina nor me had boyfriend at that time.. and at that time, being single wasn't so miserable as it feels today.
Picture #2
High school. As you see those uniforms, you maybe notice: we didn't go to the same school, how unfortunate. Because of that reason, we rarely hung out together. We only met in special occasion like.. birthday! Or holiday. Sometimes we went to our favourite place on earth : book store. Whether it's a big store or just seconhand book stores, we loved going there. We rarely contacted each other or play together at those time. Yea, high school was busy and also, Line or Whatsapp weren't as booming as nowadays, only facebook and twitter.
We had our own life at that time. We met a lot of people and started having new friends and best friends. We were having so much experiences in our own. In senior year we started to contact and meet each other so often again, knowing we actually need support from each other, especially before... university.
Our love life begun rising up. I had been dating a finnish guy since the second year of high school. A lot of boys had crush on Celina (she is pretty and smart!), maybe one or two was finally going out with her. Camila was with some guys (in different time, of course!), I can't really remember whom she was with -_-
Picture #3
University. Recent life. Many things changed, like... our perspective about something, we talk to a lot of serious things more often, we are trying to focus on our study : Celina studies in Indonesian College of Accounting, Camila and I go to the same university in Malang, she learns in DKV, I learn in PBSID. Celina goes to the furthest college so we rarely see her. Our contact is still going on though, we talk in our group chat in Whatsapp. Thanks to technology and internet.
Sometimes when Celina comes home, we spend our spare time to hang out together, maybe like... staying at one's house, reminiscing the middle school era, watching movie, gossiping (girls!), eating snacks, or going out to eat Bakso, or going out to book store.
We rarely get into fights. Though we have a ot of arguments, but we never pushed someone away. It happened once and it felt so bad! We never did that again after that.
We maybe get older but it feels the same like 7 years ago. The same person, the same girls, the same buddies, the same imbeciles.
For me, they are more like sisters than just normal friends. I can't lie to them. I have always tried to be there for them and they too. We start making plans now for our own future, but it'll be fun if we can go on a vacation someday, it'll be fun if we can do something together maybe like publishing a book or making a film, it'll be fun if we can succeed in our study and life together, it'll be fun if we can be neighbours.. in Bali, it'll be fun if I can see them in my wedding someday, it'll be fun to hear my kids calling them 'aunties', it'll be fun to hear their kids calling me 'auntie' too, it'll be fun to see them when I'm 70 years old, it'll be fun to see them in my funeral. I wish we can do that.
Ex-boyfriend can be a stranger, most friends can go and lose contact, but best friends can't.
Stay awesome guys!
 |
| Made by Camila! |
Jul 4, 2015
This is Tragedy and Comedy Side of My Life
Sometimes I wonder what I will be and what will I do after 20 years, and I decided to write a time capsule for myself.. when I'm exactly 40 years old. Yes. It sounds freaking pathetic... and lonely. Damn, I'm single as shieet.
That's okay, tho. I mean I don't want to see something from a side which people always say 'one side'. I'd prefer to call it 'the tragedy side' to make it more sounds dramatic. Hey, sometimes something dramatic makes everything more beautiful. Don't see or think about something only from one side, man!
Okay, so I've been spending this week crying and crying and asking myself, whhhhyyyyy whhhhyyyyy? Now I think I maybe look like Cee-Lo who sings 'I see you driving round town with a guy I knoooow and I'm like forgetttt yoooouuuu' but a bit sexier. But then I realized that... it's wasting time. I've been spending 3 years being with someone only to find out that he's stranger. He needs less then 3 months to move on and do I need forever? Noooo. He took me as I was nothing to him. I wasn't important to him at the first place, so why would I stop being awesome because of someone who made me feel so little and unimportant? I feel like 'hey.. I wasn't like this, im not like this.' And voila, I move on. I TRY.
I just thought about it again. I asked him whether I was a bad person so he dumped me or not. He came up with 'you are sensitive person who has just had a rough youth and life' to describe me. At one part I couldn't stop laughing. Well, he dumped me! He just pushed me away like what I'd been doing all those times was nothing. And now he said something like I'm a troubled kid whose life is totally ruined. I feel like... oh... well then... so... How should I react to that?
God, I wish he does read this. But I wish he doesn't hate me because of this.
I don't hate him. I don't hate his new girlfriend. They give me things to my rough youth and life. Pains in present days and good laughs about myself in the future. It's not that bad, right?
I'm listening to Charlie Chaplin's words now, Well, I'm not actually listening since he was famous at the silent movie era. Ok, so I'm reading his words. Anyway, I've always liked Chaplin. He said : To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it! I'm not a silly little girl who gets down over bullies and sad things. I get through those pains all the time and my youth and life isn't rough simply because I'm still laughing and having fun.
Yes I've been bullied
Yes my family isn't always nice
Yes I have only a little friends
Yes people don't take me seriously
Yes I can't always do anything
Yes my (ex-)boyfriend dumped me for other girl and he cheated me twice before
Yes people may think I'm good for nothing
Yes I'm pathetic
No, I'm not sad because I still have a good laugh.
This is the tragedy and comedy side of my life. And it's not rough. And I am the main character. And I'm ok.
That's okay, tho. I mean I don't want to see something from a side which people always say 'one side'. I'd prefer to call it 'the tragedy side' to make it more sounds dramatic. Hey, sometimes something dramatic makes everything more beautiful. Don't see or think about something only from one side, man!
Okay, so I've been spending this week crying and crying and asking myself, whhhhyyyyy whhhhyyyyy? Now I think I maybe look like Cee-Lo who sings 'I see you driving round town with a guy I knoooow and I'm like forgetttt yoooouuuu' but a bit sexier. But then I realized that... it's wasting time. I've been spending 3 years being with someone only to find out that he's stranger. He needs less then 3 months to move on and do I need forever? Noooo. He took me as I was nothing to him. I wasn't important to him at the first place, so why would I stop being awesome because of someone who made me feel so little and unimportant? I feel like 'hey.. I wasn't like this, im not like this.' And voila, I move on. I TRY.
I just thought about it again. I asked him whether I was a bad person so he dumped me or not. He came up with 'you are sensitive person who has just had a rough youth and life' to describe me. At one part I couldn't stop laughing. Well, he dumped me! He just pushed me away like what I'd been doing all those times was nothing. And now he said something like I'm a troubled kid whose life is totally ruined. I feel like... oh... well then... so... How should I react to that?
 |
| Maybe like this? Haha! |
God, I wish he does read this. But I wish he doesn't hate me because of this.
I don't hate him. I don't hate his new girlfriend. They give me things to my rough youth and life. Pains in present days and good laughs about myself in the future. It's not that bad, right?
I'm listening to Charlie Chaplin's words now, Well, I'm not actually listening since he was famous at the silent movie era. Ok, so I'm reading his words. Anyway, I've always liked Chaplin. He said : To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it! I'm not a silly little girl who gets down over bullies and sad things. I get through those pains all the time and my youth and life isn't rough simply because I'm still laughing and having fun.
Yes I've been bullied
Yes my family isn't always nice
Yes I have only a little friends
Yes people don't take me seriously
Yes I can't always do anything
Yes my (ex-)boyfriend dumped me for other girl and he cheated me twice before
Yes people may think I'm good for nothing
Yes I'm pathetic
No, I'm not sad because I still have a good laugh.
This is the tragedy and comedy side of my life. And it's not rough. And I am the main character. And I'm ok.
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