Hey Babe :)

Dear you, My Sweetheart

I dont know how to start but I do know it's kinda foolish and embarassing. I'm sorry. I know you wish me not to talk like this, but I couldn't stop telling you. I'm sorry. I know I have asked you to do a lot of things, which I'm not supposed to ask you. But I promise you, this will be my last request for you, read this. And forgive me.

I was beginning to believe that a very first time, I was lucky. A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. I fell for you. And as I fell really deep for you, I also fell for the distance between us. No problem, babe. Distance is not a big deal, right? I have you, after all. I've never been sooo happy like this before. Really.

This relationship, that I have with you, are the best. I didn't remember I ever been in relationship for this long time. A year! Whoa! Vano, the one I used to like the most, never been in my mind for that long. Bara did, but he was only a family. You know, the only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. Bara cut those ties already. And I have you, after all. You took me from those pains of losing something and gave me another story.

But then, my love, the time came. I dont know who started it but then everyone or everything tried to tear us apart. Distance is a super big deal now, isn't it? I blamed myself that I didn't live there with you. We might have chosen our way. We stood it all. We protected what we have. This is it babe, this what is wrong. It was like boomerang. We tried to show them how strong we are, but at last, we're the ones who fell apart. We tried to keep standing, but at last we're the ones who got hurt.

It hurts, my babe, so damn bad. You told me you understand. No, darling, you don't. 

You have no idea how does it feel to sleep with tears came over my cheeks and nightmares keep bothering, and I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there's no relief in waking up. You have no idea how does it feel to eat while your stomach refuses to digest it, because each time I remember you my stomach flips upside down. I want to puke. You have no idea how does it feel to go out with friends and they are laughing, having fun, while I'm hiding my screams trying not to let it out. You have no idea how does it feel to go home from school with tears and moaning, "Please, don't make me see those pictures or comments on his Facebook anymore" but still I see them. You don't know how pity I feel, when you told me that you talked with her on phone while I have never heard your voice. You don't know how sad I am when my plans with friends to spend new year's eve in the other city failed because we're running out of tickets, so I have to remember that my boyfriend, has to spend that time with someone else instead of me.


I am alone, babe. I am all alone while you have Mudar there with you. I have no one here, while you hug and kiss her there. Don't tell me you don't care about her because I know you do. Don't tell me you don't love her because I know you will. It's no good pretending that our relationship has a future if you keep date her and me at the same time because in the end, one of us could be hurt. I should've known this! I should've known this because the distance has laughed at me. I should've known this since the first time your mom wanted you to go with her.

It hurts to let go, my love. It confuses me, because I think that my feelings were wrong and it makes me feel so small because it's so hard to keep it inside when I let it out and it doesn't come back. I'm left so alone that you can't explain. And I, actually, don't want you to go. I just, must to do so.

I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I don't live next to you. My fault. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another girl. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. But I will always love you, babe. I will love you until the last breath leaves your body or mine.

When you don't talk, there's a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said. So, babe, I just told you all the things I wanted to say. I know you're happy with her because she will take care of you very well. Congratulation.

Sincerely,
Meidinar

P.S : I really do like your name :)
“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.”